“My parents themselves did not understand what this disability is about,” shares Jovin Tan about being diagnosed with cerebral palsy at age 2. He has always had the support of his mother. “My mum doesn’t treat me differently,” he explains. “Even before primary school, [she] actually insisted and pushed me for a mainstream school. His mother saw that Jovin was only limited by mobility, not by anything that would keep him from thriving in mainstream school.
Once in school, he had to manage a difficult environment. “I started to discover that I’m actually different at the age of 13 years old,” says Jovin. “During school, in P.E lessons, I got to see my classmates running around, playing soccer on the field…I was actually assigned to look after their belongings…At that point of time, I actually felt different and I started to think why must I be treated this way and why can’t I join the rest, to join in the fun.”
Relationship Challenges
However, even with the support of his mum, Jovin still had challenges with other members of his family. His disability complicated relationships with his father and sister and added stress to his family’s life. His father was particularly hard on him, deeply struggling with having a son with a disability and the required care.
On weekends when his mother was out working, Jovin remembers the challenges with his father. He remembers being left on the bathroom floor, having soiled himself, his father unwilling to be responsible for his care. I’d have to be seated there for hours on the ground to wait for my mum to come back to help me wash up,” he says.
“I grew up with a very difficult family life with [my father],” Jovin explains. “When I was out for dinner with my family members, if I would drop my utensils on the floor, he would give me a tight slap immediately in front of the public.” Jovin was navigating a life with limited mobility, but he saw that his father “felt that it’s making him ashamed,” he shares. “That lead to not giving me chance to try out.” The trial and error was critical for Jovin to adapt to his abilities, but he developed a fear of doing things himself as any failure or mistake could lead to a beating or being called a burden, stupid and useless by his father.
He also struggled with his relationships to his siblings. Although, his younger sister went to the same secondary school as him, “whenever we walked past each other, she chose to ignore me in front of her friends,” he shares. He grew up knowing a few other people with disabilities through Asian Women’s Welfare Association (AWWA) but he would envy the support they got from their family. The mistreatment and lack of acceptance led Jovin to become depressed, even to the point of contemplating suicide. “That time I was still quite weak, not strong enough to jump off the window,” he shares.
Then He Found Sailing and His World Changed
He discovered it at 15 years old through Singapore Disability Sports Council. “I was very happy that sailing came into my life. I get to see a lot of people with disability, wheelchair, crutches and still being able to enjoy such a lovely sport like sailing,” he shares. “At the point of time I told myself, I may be disabled, I may be on a wheelchair, but there’s something that I can do.”
“I used it more like an escape from home. I did not want to stay at home at least for half a day…There were volunteers to pick me up and drive me to and fro for the sailing programme,” he says. “After winning a few achievements, my father started to be more accepting of my disability and the relationship between me and my sister became better.” Things got so much better between Jovin and his family that now they visit him at the sailing club and are involved in his life in a positive way.
Jovin’s life has also impacted his father’s perception of disability, including his own. Having lost the mobility in his fingers on one hand, Jovin’s father also struggled with low self-esteem. His father would normally wear long sleeve shirts to cover up his arm, but Jovin noticed that “After following me to the sailing club, he gets to know more people with disabilities,” he explains. “Now, he’s more willing to wear sleeveless, singlets.” Disability is no longer something to be ashamed of.
Jovin also noticed changes in his sister. “[She] went with me to the sailing programme and she actually sees that…family support is very important for people with disability to do such an exciting sport like sailing,” he says. “She’s been a very committed helper…to go for every single training I have and being my carer for some of the major overseas competition…She polishes the boat, she washes the boat…I think that’s a very big change in her life as well.”
“I think if it wasn’t the way [my father] treated me, I wouldn’t have the mindset…of escaping from home and even…sailing,” he says. Sailing saved his life and was the catalyst that gave Jovin and his family the opportunity to look past the dark challenges of the past and have emerged even stronger and united. We all face difficulties, and Jovin’s family is a testament to the ability to overcome and thrive.
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