Nina had a stroke at the age of 26. At the time, she lost the use of her limbs and her ability to think and speak clearly. It took brain surgery to help her regain her thought process and normal sleeping patterns. And years of therapy helped her regain the ability to speak clearly and walk smoothly again.
Twelve years after her stroke, Nina and her husband made a big decision: they became parents to a baby boy. “Being a StrokeMama had its challenges right from the beginning,” shares Nina. And one of those challenges was knowing when to ask for help.
“A lot of mothers I know don’t like asking for help — we want to show our children persistence and perseverance. But I am disabled with a weak right hand. I learned early on that being a mother doesn’t require being a martyr.”
Before she had her son, Nina knew she would need to practice hauling her baby around since she still has muscle weakness. She practiced by carrying a baby doll stuffed with 10 pounds of weight. Still, she knew that the day would come where she wouldn’t be able to physically handle carrying her growing son. “It’s OK that my stroke put physical limits on certain elements of motherhood,” she says. “I know many moms who try to do everything, especially at first, and then wonder why they are miserable. The fact that I knew in advance that there would be limits made these choices easier.” For example, bath time became difficult for her to complete, so that activity was transferred to her husband, and it’s now become a bonding activity for her son and his dad.
Nina knows that eventually her son will want to talk about her disability, and wonders how he will handle her limitations as he grows. But if he’s like other kids who have parents with disabilities, he might just go with the flow: “Another StrokeMama I know said her kids just took Daddy’s limb problems in stride, as if Daddy were a vegetarian.”
While Nina’s stroke has been a huge challenge in her life, it’s also left her with a unique perspective.
“I’m not saying that strokes are good. They are hell. Don’t have one. But everyone suffers some level of misfortune and there are lessons you can take from it. And beautiful next chapters, like my son.”