“Some people with disabilities have a hard time fathoming how they could care for a child and end up missing out on something that deep down they’d really like to experience in life.”
Amy Saffell wants to overturn the (misinformed) assumption that people with disabilities aren’t fit to be parents, she interviewed three moms on wheels to get the real story of being a parent with a disability. From overcoming being abandoned by their partners, to getting a Baclofen pump to reduce oral intake of meds during pregnancy, these women offer some great advice right off the bat.
Making adaptations as a parent with a disability
“I was scared more of being a single mom than being a mom with a disability,” one mom shared after her partner abandoned her after she was paralyzed. Another woman had to consider the impact of the meds she had taken the first few years of her paralysis during pregnancy. “I’d been on oral meds which had severe side effects especially on a fetus…About month 5 during my pregnancy, I had surgery to install the pump,” she shared.
One mom in Miami was lucky to have a doctor who had delivered around 40 babies to women with spinal cord injury. “He was always one step ahead of me in terms of questions and ways to solve any dilemma,” she shared. It’s important to find experienced medical professionals who can understand the potential complications for paralyzed mothers.
One of the woman has a belt to hold her child to her waist and another adapted a stroller she could push. One found that using a pillow helped balance her child on her lap, while another cut a door in the middle of the side gate of a standard crib to make it accessible for her to get her child out on her own. All three women had things they were and weren’t able to do in their children’s lives, which is accompanied by frustration and/or acceptance.
For two mothers, they made extenuating efforts (with a little assistance) to attend their children’s sports games, and for another, she learned how and when to ask for help.
“I knew that this was an instance where asking for help was in the best interest of my child. Pride comes second to being the best parent you can be.”
Sometimes this includes getting help, either from a babysitter, their partner, their families and/or their live-in help.
Thinking ahead to protect the children’s safety
These women put any concerns that parents with a disability cannot ensure the safety of their child to rest. “I used an arm wrist holder to keep a hold of my kids when we were at big places. People would say it looked like a dog on a chain. I didn’t care because my kids were safe and never got hurt,” one shared. “The main reason for a child to be obedient is for their safety,” another shared. She relies on enforcing discipline to help keep her kids safe.
When one woman’s husband is away for the night, she has all her kids camp out in her room which has a door to the exterior. “I realize that if the house caught on fire, I would never make it to the other side of the house to save them,” she shared. These women are hyper vigilant, as are all parents, in keeping their children safe.
Even in the face of discrimination, from within their own families or out in public from strangers, these women are never deterred and ever confident, shutting down the negative comments and proving their value as mothers.
New hobbies to try with your kids
“The favorite thing to do with my daughter is to attend Girl Scouts with her and help her reach her goals.”
“We have a gingerbread house making party every year”
“We love to play outside, play any fun game, play with our dog, play with friends at the park…”
All kinds of activities are adaptable, and these women are testaments to that.
“Being a parent takes love, patience, creativity, support and belief that everything will work out. Disability or not, it’s the most difficult but most rewarding ‘job’ in the world, and I don’t see why anyone with any disability should pass up on being a parent.”
Share this with a new or aspiring mom on wheels!