Nancy Kay just got to experience a mother’s dream — witnessing her son marry the love of his life. There was a time when Nancy did not know what her son’s fate held. Thirteen years ago, Nancy’s son was involved in a bike versus truck accident that resulted in him becoming a paraplegic. After such a joyous occasion as her son getting married, Nancy decided to share some advice that was given to her when her son was newly injured.
“Those first few months were profoundly challenging. I often felt as though I were drowning in a sea of sadness, anger, hopelessness, and despair. Coming up for air was made easier when parents ahead of me on the spinal cord learning curve and members of my son’s health care team gifted their wisdom and advice to me. Their insights translated into survival strategies for me.”
Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.
Nancy says that her son’s neurosurgeon gave her the advice of “Hope for the best and prepare for the worst” in response to the question “Will he ever walk again?” As she looks back at the conversation, she realizes that the neurosurgeon was probably aware that her son would never walk again. However, Nancy states that she was grateful for his response because he did not severe her hope. The neurosurgeon’s response gave her enough strength to keep going.
“As thread-worn as the phrase may be, it offered me much needed hope at a time when things were feeling hopeless and I equated recovery with the ability to walk again. As someone newly initiated into the world of spinal cord trauma, I was naïve about how rich and full life can be regardless of one’s ability to walk.”
Be in the moment.
Nancy credits a psychotherapist who helped her create a state of mind where she focused more on the present than what the future held. She says the future felt ‘scary and overwhelming to the point of being downright debilitating’.
“It was impossible for me to support (my son) and care for myself when my mind was churning with unanswerable questions about how life would ever be okay again.”
Avoid Major Decisions While in Emotional Distress
Nancy recalls that an occupational gave her this piece of advice as she was just about to move out of her home into a more wheelchair accessible apartment. She says that the occupational therapist could probably read the anxiety all over her face as Nancy made preparations for her son to come home from rehab. The therapist eased her mind as she encouraged Nancy to wait for her son to come home first. There could be a possibility that their own home could be modified for a wheelchair user.
“She told me that we really had no way of knowing what our son would be capable of once he arrived home. She encouraged me to wait and see and then, if possible, adapt our home to suit his needs. Whew, what a relief! I heeded this important advice and, yes, we did manage to adequately adapt our home for our child’s needs.”
Nancy and her son prove that one never knows what the future will hold!
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