Jennifer doesn’t drive. She walks her children everywhere they need to go. Jennifer doesn’t drive because the last time she did she had a panic attack, which caused an accident, which caused her traumatic brain injury. The injury combined with a genetic disease similar to rheumatoid arthritis gives Jennifer what she calls “scrambled brains.”
Still, Jennifer says most of the time people can’t even tell she has a disability “unless it’s a bad day or a flare week,” she writes, so she’s not too surprised when other parents find out about her “invisible disability.”
“’How do you do it?’ I am asked all the time. I never know if people are really asking, ‘How do you get it all done with such busy lives?’ or if the real question is ‘How do you manage having a family and being disabled?’“
Jennifer admits that the questions get tiresome. Sometimes they’re asked with sincerity. Sometimes she feels they’re a “backhanded compliment” because she doesn’t want the pity that often accompanies those questions.
Everyday, Jennifer has to come to terms with feelings of inadequacy since she can’t physically do things other parents can do for their kids. She acknowledges that it’s hard to watch other kids ask her children why their mom can’t drive – and to hear the typical follow up question of “What’s wrong with her?”
Jennifer, her husband, and their children have structured their lives into a routine that works for them. Jennifer works from home while her husband works a flexible schedule. They live within walking distance of most places they need to visit such as schools, doctors, and restaurants.
“That’s how I do it- a lot of help and careful management of time and resources. It’s not rocket science.”
Jennifer and her husband work diligently to teach their children about effective communication, and the importance of coping skills when it comes to living with a chronic illness. In the end, Jennifer says the bigger picture is not necessarily how you do everything … “It’s who you do it with, and who you do it for, that counts.”