Facing Disability interviewed three different parents who are quadriplegics and asked them one question – How has your spinal cord injury affected your parenting? James, Marie, and Tony’s answers give insight on what it is like to be a parent with a disability.
The three parents reflect on two key perspectives of parenting, the child’s perspective vs. the parent’s perspective.
James
James was injured before he had children so he says that, “my kids don’t know me any other way, but this is dad.” A memory he has with his son he says is zooming around the mall while his son stands on the back of his wheelchair. He says it is like his son feels special because not every child has the opportunity to do that with their dad.
James says that it might bother him that he cannot play catch with his son, but he has made adjustments. For instance, instead of playing catch with his son, James coaches his baseball team.
Tony
Tony did not realize how exciting it could be for a child to see a wheelchair (which can mimic a toy.) Tony’s son has grown up with his dad being in a wheelchair. Tony says that his son probably feels like he has a special dad because all of the kids his age want to play with his dad’s wheelchair.
Marie
“Parenting can be challenging on a regular basis.”
Marie gives advice to fellow parents with disabilities. She states that it is important to not take your own personal frustrations out on your children. Marie laughs as she discusses her son’s time out spot, as she had to be clever when choosing it. “So then the timeout became the middle of the bed because he knew I couldn’t get to him there, but then he knew he couldn’t get off.” She also advises other parents with disabilities to safety proof their house for any unforeseen instances.
Marie discusses her own perspective as being a parent with a spinal cord injury. She shares a memory about becoming a ‘homeroom mom’ for her child’s classroom. She felt that by volunteering in her children’s classroom it conveyed the perception that she was okay with her situation.
“I decided to become a homeroom mom when (my children) got to school age, and trying to put on the perception of a normal home. Putting myself out there and it was like when I was first injured trying to put on the perception that you’re okay because if you seem okay then your kids are going to be okay with the whole situation.”
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