When a spouse falls ill, either through disability or diagnosis, many times the other spouse steps into a caregiving role. Family caregivers are often unpaid for their efforts, and many end up losing their jobs as their caregiving duties increase. A caregiver can often feel overwhelmed and lonely. It’s easy for caregivers to fall into the trap of focusing so much on the person they are caring for, that they often overlook the importance of caring for themselves.
Tips for caregivers to find balance and incorporate care for themselves into daily life:
Maintain Roles and Identities
A spousal relationship can oftentimes be strained when one spouse is caring for another. That’s because roles and identities within a relationship often change when one spouse needs care.
Sometimes the caregiving spouse goes overboard with care, and will begin doing everything for the ill spouse, even things that the ill spouse might be able to accomplish on his or her own. “To the extent possible, try to keep your roles intact. You have to be careful not to protect the other person too much,” says Dr. Diana Denholm, a psychotherapist and author of “The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook.”
Redefine Success
It’s common for caregivers to feel like they aren’t successful – like they aren’t doing or accomplishing enough. That’s often due to the sheer amount of work that caregivers must face daily. Here’s a great analogy of the caregiver’s role: “Caregivers are like those facing strong, incoming ocean waves. Each wave poses a challenge yet there’s always another coming.”
Caregiving shouldn’t be approached as a goal to be attained. It’s important for caregivers to keep in mind that caring for a spouse with a chronic, incurable condition is an ongoing process – one that will have setbacks and challenges along the way. “Being resilient is being successful,” says Amy Goyer, author of “Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving.”
Allow Yourself a Break
Caregivers often struggle with taking breaks, either because they feel they cannot be away from their spouse due to health concerns or because they feel guilty. But even small breaks that last only a few minutes can make a big difference. Things like chatting with a friend, taking a walk, or just enjoying a cup of coffee alone can be restorative. Also, taking up an artistic hobby can help maintain balance for a caregiver’s well being.
“We have to take care of ourselves. That’s not selfish, it’s practical. We don’t expect our cars to run on empty. So likewise, we have to have little tank fillers of our own.”