Chelsea and James celebrated their four year anniversary on January 14, 2018. James has a spinal cord injury. Chelsea reflects on four lessons she has learned during her relationship.
Take Chances — Love Is Love
Chelsea says, “It’s definitely a little scary to fall in love with someone who doesn’t fit the social “norm”. If you have a connection with someone that is hard to ignore…just go for it!” Love does not discriminate. Chelsea shares she has feelings of sadness when she thinks about all of the love stories that did not happen simply because someone was perceived as “different”.
In Chelsea’s opinion being different is more interesting than being normal. However, she admits did have some reservations about dating someone who uses a wheelchair. She states “ I can’t lie when I say that I had my reservations about dating a man in a wheelchair. Initially, it did scare me, what would life be like? What would my family think? Am I allowed to break up with him if it doesn’t work?” But, the connection Chelsea and James share is more powerful than any fears Chelsea may have had.
“A lot of questions flooded my overthinking brain until I finally said, shut up Chelsea. I gave myself permission to say yes because the connection we had overpowered my fear and I am so happy I did.”
The Wheelchair Disappears
Chelsea says as you become more comfortable with your partner you tend to forget about their disability. You learn to adapt to a certain lifestyle. She gives an example of reaching a plate in a high cabinet and bringing it down to James’s level without giving it much thought, the process just becomes second nature. “You adapt and once the chair disappears you are just two people living life like everyone else. Of course, there are reminders now and then… like stairs. Who invented stairs anyways!?”
“A hidden language is developed between you and your loved one and the chair never really comes up.”
Ignorance
Chelsea says she has to remind herself that people simply do not know what they do not know. She admits that before meeting James she had her own misconceptions about spinal cord injury. “For instance, I thought everyone who was paralyzed was paralyzed from the waist down… I was quickly informed that wasn’t true,” says Chelsea.
Chelsea does not get as upset now when someone refers to her as an ‘angel’ for dating James or when they comment that he “will walk in no time” because they are unaware of the ins and outs of spinal cord injury.
“The general public isn’t going out of their way to be rude they are just uninformed; they aren’t surrounded by it.”
Chelsea gives the advice to try your best to stay calm, have a conversation and educate others. You never know what could come of it!
Peer Support
According to Chelsea, meeting other couples who are affected by spinal cord injury is pivotal. “Everyone has a story and challenges they face in life and finding an individual or group of individuals who truly get what you’re going through because they have gone through it themselves is life changing,” she says. If you cannot find a group, Chelsea suggests creating your own!