Even though she grew up with two brothers with autism, Singaporean social entrepreneur Debra Lam didn’t always have a positive view of disabilities. Even though she knew about their autism from a very young age, she merely accepted that her brothers had special needs.
“I used to think disability was a liability. I was very upset whenever one of [my brothers] had a meltdown because it would foil whatever plans we had for that day.”
However, that has changed since she started a competitive dragon boat team for persons with disabilities (PWDs) in 2012. The team, which initially included five hearing members and 17 hearing-impaired members mostly from the Singapore Association for the Deaf, won their first race within a year: in the disabled category of the 8th Club Crew World Championships in Hong Kong. Since then, the team has started training new members with intellectual disabilities.
A shift in perspective
“My mindset of my brothers became more positive since I started Deaf Dragons and eventually co-founded Society Staples in 2015. I saw a lot more good and potential in them than I used to.”
At their mother’s insistence, both of Debra’s brothers started their education in mainstream schools. Her elder brother Darius, 27, completed his education to the ITE level in mainstream schools and is currently working. Meanwhile, younger brother Darren, 17, started out with mainstream curriculum but switched over to a school for students with learning difficulties and is now studying in a vocational school.
Debra feels that her work with Society Staples has helped to bring her whole family closer. “Sometimes we’ll have late night supper chats. Because that seems to be the time they are able to catch me at home,” she said. Her parents have also “become so much more patient” with her brothers.
As for how others perceive her as being a sister to two brothers with autism, she feels and hopes that they can understand PWDs better through her own experience. “I get the sense they feel like life is tougher for me and things are challenging. I guess they are able to empathise that way.”
Despite not being “very close” to her brothers because of her busy schedule, Debra loves how sweet her younger brother can be.
“Once we were dining at a slightly secluded restaurant in Dempsey Road and I needed the washroom. He followed me and waited outside the ladies. His reasoning? Afraid someone would take me away.”
“I just want them to be happy and contented with life,” says Debra. “To be given opportunities to do want they like and want for people to be more patient towards them and embrace them for who they are.”
This article is a part of our #AbleFamilies campaign in Singapore. Stay tuned for real life stories, advice and experiences from people who believe in and represent the potential of all kids. By now empowering the thousands of kids with disabilities in Singapore and supporting their parents and caregivers, we strengthen the next generation of citizens to promote a more inclusive Singapore.
