These days, dating can be an emotionally risky proposition for everyone. It is particularly challenging for those with disabilities. But young women with disabilities are just like other women when it comes to dating. They want to go to dance clubs and meet new people.
Online dating sites such as DisabilityDating.com cater to our community. Likewise sites like eHarmony and Match.com now offer specific advice to those with disabilities, and those who would be willing to date someone in a wheelchair. The most important thing is to be realistic in your expectations – these sites can be risky for everyone, no matter what their ability. The common safety precautions apply, such as getting to know a person via phone and meeting in a public place can help minimize bad experiences.
Take, for example, Ally, a standup comedian with congenital muscular dystrophy. As part of her onstage persona, she dresses up in the button cardigan and a colorful headband, a girlish look intended to throw off her audience. She wants to break down the misconception that people with disabilities should be treated like children or nonsexual beings.
“I still have all the same desires for the future as any other woman my age.”
At one of her comedy shows, a woman walked up to Ally and said, “I think it’s great that you joke about sex, like you actually know what you’re talking about.” But Ally actually knows what she’s talking about. She meets man through dating sites such as OkCupid and is in the talking stage with more than one man at any one time.
Her first boyfriend from six years ago didn’t show her much physical interest. It wasn’t until she started dating her most recent boyfriend that she says she finally felt like she was being taken seriously as a potential partner.
For every Ally out there, there are hundreds more. The rules of dating are pretty much what they’ve always been, it’s just that in today’s world you have more tools. Here are some hints that may help you navigate the dating world:
- Try online dating sites. In your profile make sure you’re as honest as possible, both about yourself and what you are looking for.
- Put yourself out there. If you want to go to the clubs, then go to the clubs. You never know who you may meet. At the very least, you should have an enjoyable night.
- Let your friends and even relatives know that you’re interested in dating. Yes, blind dates can be scary and uncomfortable, but at least you have the knowledge of knowing that your date has been preapproved by someone you know.
- Don’t hang on to a relationship that’s bad for you or is not going anywhere. The more you hang on, afraid that you won’t find another relationship, is less time you have with a good relationship you eventually find.
- Don’t give up hope. Everyone, not just people with disabilities, often wonders if they’ll ever find anyone. Again, you don’t know when and if you will.
- Present yourself as a vital, sexual being with the same desires and wants as everyone. This goes not only with the way you dress but the way you come across with confidence about who you are and what you want.