“I used to think that dating with a disability shouldn’t be any different, because … I didn’t want it to be different! I have felt different my entire life — and I didn’t want to continue feeling that way,” says Amin Lakhani. Amin was born with Charcot Marie Tooth Disease and uses a power wheelchair for mobility. Amin (known as the Dating Coach on Wheels) has found that dating with a disability can be a little different. He shares his top five tips for people with disabilities in the dating scene.
Use Humor To Your Advantage
Human beings are curious by nature. Your disability might make your date curious about how you do certain things. But, as a society, we are taught that it is not polite to question or talk about a person’s disability. Amin says this perception can cause a person to use a filter when communicating which can prevent a person from pursuing someone they would like to romantically.
“But people believe they are not supposed to talk about (disability), and this can make everyone uncomfortable.”
Amin states that being the person with the disability you have the ability to open the door for a more fun, relaxed conversation. In Amin’s opinion, the best way to start the conversation is by using humor. He gives the example of introducing himself by saying his name and adding “the handsome guy on wheels” to put his date at ease.
“If you can show someone that you’re OK with your disability, then they are more likely to be OK with it, too.”
Be Confident
It is important to be confident in yourself while playing the dating game. Amin does the best with what he has. He says, “I eat healthy, I exercise to the best of my ability and I wear clothing that makes me say “that is one handsome man” when I look in the mirror. I actually like the way I look, and not because I’m following the advice of fashion gurus on Instagram but because I’m choosing the style that I like.”
Amin admits that it took awhile for his confidence to rise. He says he dressed “normal” to blend in but realized he was going to stand out no matter how he appeared. So he found a style (that’s constantly changing) which is true to himself. “So I colored my hair, I wore big funky blue glasses and I wore jeans that were way too tight. It took a lot of experimentation to settle on a style that I like (and it still changes), but it was totally worth it. I feel awesome every morning when I look in the mirror. And that helps when I’m meeting new people.”
“I recommend being bold but classy with your choices — this sends the signal that you know people are going to stare at you, that you’re OK with it, and that there is more to you than meets the eye.”
Make Your Intentions Clear
Amin says that too often people do not want to reject people with disabilities in fear of hurting their feelings. Because of this, Amin suggests being straightforward with a potential date. “Which is why I recommend that YOU take responsibility for getting a clear answer from people in whom you are interested,” he says. He continues by saying that when he shows interest in dating someone he makes sure to use words like “take you out” as opposed to “hang out”. He states this could be an uncomfortable situation, but you will be amazed at how many people will be intrigued by your courage. If it does not work out romantically it could turn into a friendship.
Be Cautious
Amin admits that it can be easy to throw safety concerns out at the excitement of meeting a new potential partner. However, he reminds his readers to take precautions to make sure their dating experiences are good ones. If you meet someone online Amin suggests talking on the phone or video chatting before meeting in person and always meet in a public place.
Amin recommends talking about health concerns before becoming intimate with a person. “You may think this will be a buzzkill, but those who are genuinely interested in you will know good things are worth the wait,” he says.
Be Courageous
Amin says to get out of your comfort zone and find something courageous to do. Confidence is an attractive personality trait. Amin concludes his dating tips by saying, “Get out there and do something you care about. Speak up for something you believe in. Or just share your story and what you have learned.” You never know what could happen!
Share Amin’s tips with someone who is single and ready to mingle!