Going back to school can be both an exciting and anxious experience. It’s a time to see old friends and meet new ones. A time to introduce yourself to your new classmates, and tell them a little about yourself – and perhaps your family.
For Evie, whose dad Jeff is a quadriplegic, the prospect of having to tell her new class that her dad is paralyzed was daunting. Evie’s mom Kristen documents their family’s life on her blog, and she writes about their daughter’s hesitation on the subject of talking about her dad.
“A few nights before the first day, I was putting Evie to bed, and she said to me, “I don’t think I want to tell my new class this year that Daddy is paralyzed.””
When Kristen asked why not, Evie shrugged her shoulders and said, “I just don’t.”
Kristen reassured her daughter that she certainly didn’t have to tell her class if she didn’t feel comfortable doing so. But reminded her that the topic might come up at some point. And in fact, it did – just a day later when Kristen and Evie went to “meet the teacher” a few days before the official start of school.
“As we were leaving the classroom,” writes Kristen, “the teacher stopped us and asked if I would be able to volunteer in the classroom or if I would be busy during the day. I seized the opportunity. ‘Evie’s dad is a quadriplegic,” I said. “He’s paralyzed from the neck down, and I am his caregiver. So as much as I’d love to come in regularly, I won’t be able to.’ … Evie was relieved that her teacher now knew about her paralyzed dad and that it wasn’t a big deal.”
When the first day of school finally arrived, Evie had a great day – and a surprise for her parents. During a getting-to-know-you exercise in class, Evie wrote on a piece of paper then later shared with her new classmates that her dad is paralyzed. She even explained to them what paralyzed means.
Later in the evening, Kristen asked Evie how she felt about sharing the information she did. Evie admitted it wasn’t easy, and it didn’t exactly happen like she planned. “I didn’t know we were going to read them out loud,” Evie said to her mom. “I thought it was just for the teacher.”
Nonetheless, Kristen told Evie how proud she was of her. “I told her she did a great job,” writes Kristen. “I told her that I know talking about Daddy’s injury is sometimes uncomfortable, but it’s never anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.”
“I reminded her that before Daddy’s accident, we didn’t know anyone who was paralyzed. We didn’t know anyone who used a wheelchair. And that when her classmates ask her questions, it’s probably because they’ve never met anyone who is paralyzed either. And they’re curious. And when we answer their questions, we help them understand a little about what it’s like to live our life.”
Kristen says that her and Jeff’s goal in parenting is to try to use their own experiences to help their daughter navigate her life. But sometimes, their own experiences fall short. “Jeff and I don’t know what it’s like to have a paralyzed dad,” shares Kristen. “But Evie does. And this is one area where we have to let her take the lead. And she may not be able to see it now, but she teaches us something new every day.”