Once I “graduated” from the spinal cord injury rehab hospital, they sent me out ready to face the world. They said I could be a little apprehensive at first about being noticeable, but that would pass. Luckily, I didn’t face much if any fear about going out and about, but I talked to many of my rehab colleagues who did. Some handled it better than others, while some never did get over the fear of being out there. These are some of the things I learned from myself and others that helped me. I hope they will help you as well.
Work on Self Esteem
Make sure you feel good about yourself. Having a spinal cord injury is a traumatic process. How well and how fast you deal with that internal trauma differs for every person. I can’t tell you what is the right length of time because you will know when you alone have reached it. However, if your grieving process is taking a very long time with no forward movement, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional. Depression is common among us survivors, and licensed professionals can help either by listening and/or prescribing appropriate medications. Point is, you have to feel good before you can go out and project that to the world.
Be a Positive Influence
Try to make a positive impact on people with whom you interact. Prior to my SCI, I would go to the grocery store, for example, and be so focused on what I was there to get that I couldn’t tell you who else was in the store with me. I even missed noticing close friends until they came up and got my attention. Now that I’m in the chair with my caregiver pushing me, I have plenty of time to notice who’s there. The first year after my injury I made a New Year’s resolution that I would smile at anyone anywhere who gave me eye contact. The results have been amazing. Everyone smiles back, and I hope I’ve made their day a little brighter. My best experience was in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. There was an elderly lady there who looked like she would be mean, or at least very unhappy. I held my breath, then smiled at her when she looked at me. It took her a moment or two to register the smile, but then she smiled back with a smile that just lit up her face. I think it was the fact that someone was paying attention to her that I hope made her day. You may have other ways to make a positive impact, but I find that smiling is a no risk/high reward option for me.
Put Your Best Self Out There
When you go out, make an effort to look good. When I first moved to Houston from back east, and my pre-SCI days, I could’ve sworn that Texas women put on a full coat of makeup to take out the garbage. I may be exaggerating, but not by much. Back east, making an effort on the weekends meant putting your hair in a ponytail before you went to the mall. Eventually, I found a happy medium between the makeup/no makeup, dress up/be grungy dichotomy. Until I was in rehab. I figured putting on makeup along with my sweats only to sweat it off during physical therapy was a waste of time. I was shocked when my new roommate, a sweet 20-something girl from Dallas, set her alarm for 6:30 AM every morning so she could put her makeup on before breakfast arrived. But she did grab the attention of the guys in the gym, I must say. Now I make an effort before I go out, no mean feat when someone else is putting on your makeup and doing your hair. But I find if I look good, I feel good. A lot of people think if they don’t make an effort that they won’t be noticed. The bad news is that they will be noticed anyway, so they might as well make it a good experience.
Try to Have Fun With the Experience
I know that must sound like crazy talk, but what I mean is that once we have an SCI or other diagnosis, we’ve entered a new chapter in our lives, like it or not. I figured if I was a new person, I might as well take risks to see what type of new person I wanted to be. Rather than having my natural curly hair down to my shoulders, I got it cut off into a pixie cut – and got rave reviews. It was liberating not to spend a half-hour each day fussing with my hair. I also discovered that whereas before it was difficult for me to find shoes that were comfortable all day when I was walking, now it didn’t matter because I had no feeling in my feet (though I still needed to be aware of pressure sore risks). So rather than spending hours and big bucks shoe shopping for shoes that I only wore once or twice, now I could shop on eBay and get cuter shoes that people comment on every time I wear them.
So my advice is, if you wanted to be a blonde all your life, go blonde. If you wanted to dress more fashionable, show up everyone in the neighborhood with your excellent choice in garments. Your life has given you a big change, now it’s your turn to see how you want to play it.
Thanks to Virginia Hoefler Schwarzkopf for her advice on standing out in a crowd. You can learn more about Virginia by visiting her blog One Girl’s Journey With a Spinal Cord Injury.