I was first diagnosed with sensoneurinal hearing loss on both ears when I was 7 years old. I can still remember the vivid image of my mother shedding tears listening to the doctor’s diagnosis. Consoling my mother, I said “Don’t worry, I can get along fine just like any other children.” The 7-year-old me that uttered those words had the perception of the common masses that hearing loss is not a big deal with the help of hearing aids. Over the years, my perception has changed as I experienced many hidden challenges which not many people know of.
The complexity of hearing aids
Wearing hearing aids is not the same as wearing glasses. Sound is a complex mechanism which consists of low and high frequency sound. Compared to eyesight where it is easy to diagnose the ‘degrees’ in your glasses, it is harder to diagnose the correct settings for the hearing aids. To find the correct settings, the audiologists have to conduct repeated hearing test with the individual and amplify certain sounds on the hearing aid which the individual cannot hear. The tricky part happens when the sound is loud but cannot be heard clearly, and situations where the amplified sound is too loud for the user that it causes headaches.
Hence, finding a right fit of hearing aids can involve many sessions with the audiologists, and does not guarantee that one can hear 100% clearly wearing hearing aids.
Although wearing hearing aids have vastly improve my hearing ability, there are instances where I fail to catch what the other party is saying. It can be incredibly frustrating having to pause conversations to ask the other party to repeat themselves. Being educated in a mainstream school, I often encountered classmates who were less understanding and held the misconception that wearing hearing aids meant I could hear them perfectly. This led me to distance myself from them and keep myself to a few friends in school. The few friends that I had took the time to understand my circumstances and would keep having conversations with me. Over time, they got comfortable with my hearing loss and would repeat what they are saying if they caught that I was not following the conversations well.
The emotional impact of hearing loss
Hearing loss also comes with many implications such as speech impairment, lack of confidence, and fear. I started experiencing these implications when I suffered a severe drop in my hearing in high school. I begin to notice that my speech was not the same as before. For someone without hearing loss, when you talk, you are able to hear your own voice. For someone with hearing loss, it can be hard to hear your own voice when talking.
Not being able to hear myself clearly resulted in developing a fear of giving presentations and public speaking. I became more conscious about the way I spoke, often asking myself questions such as “Am I speaking too loud?” “Am I mumbling?” which puts unnecessary stress on myself.
I always thought that the problems I faced were limited to myself alone. Schooling in a mainstream school meant that there was a very small chance of meeting persons with disabilities. Throughout my schooling life, I did not meet anyone suffering from hearing loss till I was in university. I was left to struggle with my hearing loss alone. I finally met someone who suffers from hearing loss in university. It was a really enriching meeting as we both could identify in each other the problems we faced. We have now become good friends, and will confide in each other and seek advice.
I have transformed to become a more confident individual as I know the problems I faced are not because I am weird, but rather a consequence of having hearing loss, and that there are people facing the same problems too.
I realized that having confidence helps in concealing the many problems that hearing loss poses. As the saying goes “half the battle is won in the mind,” I convince myself that I am able to perform duties on the same level or even better than the average Joe. Despite suffering from speech impairment, I enjoy giving presentations as I am confident that I am able to deliver a speech that might not be crystal clear, but can be understood by the audience. I would focus on other factors of a good presentation such as body language and being authentic.
In conclusion, the problems I face with hearing loss and its implications are never going to go away. I have learnt to live with the problems and not let it affect my quality of life. Coupled with a more understanding and inclusive society, perhaps one day I will unconsciously forget that I live with a hidden disability.
Marcus is AbleThrive’s Singapore Director. Share this post with others who might be struggling with a hidden disability to let them know they are not alone.