Gina Schuh has helped people improve their dating profiles and has spoken at disability support groups on dating. She tackles some of the big questions surrounding creating an online dating profile.
“I feel the need to have a disclaimer: These tips aren’t for everyone. These things worked for me, but that doesn’t mean they’re a perfect fit for you. You need to be you, that’s what will help you find your dream partner.”
Do I share my disability on my online dating profile?
First ask yourself why you are considering hiding it. “When you hide something, it’s generally because shame, embarrassment, or some other negative emotion,” Gina explains. She’s heard excuses for hiding it, but Gina is firm in her advice to own who you are. If you don’t, it’s worth considering what that might look like to a potential date.
“When you are proud of your disability, confident, and don’t make it a big deal, your future partner will reflect the same perception. We put an energy out into the world, and those around you will reflect that energy.”
However for Gina, disclosing your disability is not just about having pride. “Hiding things can often come off as deceptive,” she shares. “When you drop the D-word (disability) it’s likely they aren’t thinking as much about that, but instead thinking, ‘What else are they hiding?’” Openness and transparency is one way to build trust with a potential partner. “I understand that putting your disability can attract unhealthy people as well,” she admits, but being assertive and confident is one way to ward off potential predators. However, nothing is foolproof, so be sure to be safe!
“Confidence is sexy in anyone, and it’s no different for someone with a disability. The disability is like a weed eater. It detracts and deters those potential partners you wouldn’t want in the long run anyway.”
Other women have also attested to their disability serving as a great filter for potential partners.
The importance of being positive
In all the disability profiles Gina has helped with, “the number one issue in their profiles is that they tend to add a lot of negativity in their profiles.” Gina is not about perpetuating stereotypes that people with disabilities are “depressed, negative, and unhappy”. Some people do it as a defense mechanism, some people undersell themselves, but no matter what the negativity, Gina doesn’t buy it. Statements like “If you’re looking for that model type, keep looking”, or “There is more to me if you would actually take the time” or ”I do need a lot of help” have no place in your profile. “That’s what later conversations and dates are for, you know, the whole getting to know you part,” she explains.
“You’re wanting to avoid rejection, but that’s part of dating. I’m sure you’ve done it to other people! Sure, you’re turning people off that would later reject you, but you’re also turning people off who would accept and love you wholeheartedly.”
“Focus on you as a person and not your disability,” Gina advises. “We often complain about people defining us by our disability, yet we do it to ourselves.” Gina doesn’t want to see anyone playing the victim in their profiles. “The ones that aren’t dating almost always are the same ones that blame their disability or surrounding circumstances on not dating,” she explains, “when in reality it’s just that they have a crappy attitude or they aren’t putting themselves out there.” Attraction goes beyond the physical. You want to put your best self out there to the world. Building your confidence isn’t necessarily easy, but it’s vital for successful relationships.
“You need to make yourself emotionally healthy on your own before you try to find someone. Sometimes it’s easier to point the finger (or quad paw) and blame our disability, rather than truly self-reflect and put the work into growing as a person.”
Self-love, self-confidence and self-acceptance are difficult to achieve regardless of whether or not you have a disability. Embrace the journey and go for it! “Don’t start dating to make yourself whole,” Gina advises. “Make yourself whole, and then start dating.”
How do I know which photos to put on my online dating profile?
Gina has some pretty clear do’s and don’ts to follow to show your best self. At a minimum, include a face and a full body photo, but “be sure you’re smiling in most, if not all of them…at least a smirk!” she advises. Make sure to include active and fun photos, don’t feed the stereotype otherwise (and not too many selfies). If you can add captions, get clever! Got kids? Include them in a picture (but not all of them), but don’t include photos of other people’s kids unless you want people to assume you have them. Pictures of you with cute animals are always a win. Otherwise, just make sure your photos reflect who you are.
“DON’T skip the picture! The only thing that is worse than a bad picture, is no picture at all.
Otherwise, be sure to mix it up. Not all professional photos, be wary of filters, and make sure they’re recent. Let them see the real you!
Share this post with someone who’s thinking about breaking into the online dating scene! (and if you need more of a confidence boost, check out this online dating success story!)